Home humor (again)
By Estanislao Albano, Jr.
ANIA TI KUKUEEM?
Felt like talking to Pia so I called her.
Me: Ayanmo? (Where you?)
Pia: Ditoy Starbucks, papa. (In Starbucks, papa.) (She usually goes to Starbucks to do her work.)
Me: Ania ti kukueem dita? (What are you doing there?)
Pia: Ania ngata ti kukueek ditoy? (What could I be doing here?)
Me (noticing the irritation in her tone): Agtumblingtumbling?
Pia: Wen, papa. (Yes, papa.)
In our family, people do not like to be asked what they are doing or what they have been doing. I recall one time when I got home later than what Florence expected and she asked what took me so long. I said: Naglinlinongak man a nabayag idiay poon ti kayo idiay dalan. (I rested under the tree along the way for a long time.).
WHAT STORES ARE FOR
Was sent by Florence one night more than a decade ago to buy Bear Brand milk.
After Mike told me the price, I asked him how much is the item in the market and he said it was cheaper by that much.
I teased him thus: “No ngay no buludek pay laeng ngarud ta sukatak no bigat no makagatangak idiay market?” (What if I just borrow the milk and replace it tomorrow after I buy one in the market?)
Mike: “Jun, store daytoy. Paggatangan saan a pagbuludan.” (Jun, this is a store. We sell, not lend.)
Some weeks back, heard Florence assuring Pia Ursula on the phone that as kids, she and Aglaia Marie had complete vaccine. Would understand later Pia is planning to get a varicella vaccine (chicken pox). I called her later to make the same assurance adding that in addition to the usual vaccines, we had them given anti-sungit shots (sungit is ill-temper in Ilocano and Tagalog) but unfortunately the vaccine was only effective on her sister.
AGLAIA’S LOW ESTIMATE OF MY HUMOR
One time Aglaia Marie drove home the message that my talent as a humorist may just be a figment of my imagination. When the Marina Mall opened, I joked to people that the owner has two daughters named Marina and Annie and he chose to name the mall after Marina. When I told Aglaia the joke, she said it was corny and did not laugh. But at one time, I repeated it to one of her cousins who shook with laughter. So I told Aglaia that she is wrong about the joke being flat because her cousin found it funny. She responded cruelly: “Saan a diay jokemo ti kinatawaanna. Sika ti kinatawaanna ta laklakayankan ket adjojokka pay laeng iti corny.” (It was not your joke she laughed at. It was you because you are already old and still make corny jokes.)
Two nights before she turned 92 on August 23, Pia Ursula and I visited Mama (Eufrorina Albano). She went along with my joking question if she could remember the person I am with in reference to old people not recognizing even family members at times. We kept the pretense she no longer recognizes Pia Ursula until around 20 minutes into the visit when I related that time Mama got sick but when they cooked arrozcaldo with native chicken meat, she got well all of a sudden prompting my nephew Hardy to quip “Native a manok laeng gayam ti agas ni lola.” (Native chicken is the medicine of lola.) All of a sudden, she told Pia Ursula: “Malagipko no sinoka no mangyeg ka ti native a manok.” (I will remember who you are if you bring native chicken.)**