By Estanislao Albano, Jr.

ABOUT WIVES
Yesterday morning, I chanced upon an elementary schoolmate at the bakery. I heard him tell the saleslady “pito a pandesal” (seven pandesal.) Me, I usually buy at least 10 pandesals for Florence and myself.
Me: “Apay sika laeng ti mangan?” (Only you will eat?)
Him: “Ikkak met seguro ni baket ti dua.” (I might give wifey two.)
This afternoon, due to the April 30 deadline for submission of annual reports to the Cooperative Development Authority, I brought the minutes of the 2016 General Assembly of the Tabuk Multi-purpose Cooperative to its main office even without the signature of Board Chairman Claudio Bagano. From the office, I called him.
Me: “Padi, umaymonto pirmaan ditoy office daytoy minutes ta awan ti ikastak umay mangbirok kenka tatta. Adda ni baket idiay baba ta adda papanamni. Imimportante ti baket ngem ti padi.”. (Father, please just come to the office to sign the minutes because I cannot come to see you now. My wife is waiting outside because we are going somewhere. Wives are more important than priests.)
Him: “Adayo met a.” (No comparison.),
EARTHQUAKE DRILL CONVERSATION
The Bureau of Fire Protection Tabuk City conducted an earthquake drill for City Hall employees this afternoon. The moment the alarm sounded, I went and laid down under the bench at the office.
Me: “Segurado kayo a sinagadanyo ti sirok ti tugaw?” (Are you sure you swept beneath the bench?”
From somewhere I could not see: “Wen, sir, sinagadak.” (Yes, sir, I swept it.)
COULD JUNIE KILEY BE RIGHT THIS TIME?
TAO-KA OFW Cooperative Manager Junie Kiley who was on his motorcycle overtook my motorcycle and stopped me at San Juan this afternoon. He sternly told me to wear a helmet because “adu-adu ti nagyan ti ulom” (your head contains a lot).
HUMOR AT THE MARKET
Went to buy fish at the market this evening. I did not like the prices but I liked the humor.
Man buying pechay: “Mano ngay met daytoy nagango
a pechaymo?” (How much is your dried pechay?)
Man selling tinapa (dried fish) sales pitch: “Saankayo nga agpa-allilaw ti dadduma. Siak laeng ti pagpa-allilawanyo.” (Don’t allow others to deceive you. Allow only me to deceive you.)
MAGNUS AND ME
(With photos of Magnus sleeping infront of the pulpit with Rev. Hebrino Gayo preaching and another photo with the dog still asleep but Rev. Gayo no longer behind the pulpit.)
It’s not only me who sleeps in church. But unlike me, Magnus actually lies down and does not automatically wake up during the closing prayer. But on the other hand, according to Rev. Hebrino Gayo, Magnus does not miss a service.
DOES HEIGHT MATTER IN CHOOSING A POSSIBLE SPOUSE?
A couple I saw today reminds me of how an officemate I attempted to court while working in Pasig in the early 80s stopped me cold. When my intent became apparent to her, she said: “Paano naman kita sasagutin e di pag nagnganak tayo hindi na ganito (making the cradling motion with both hands) kundi ganito (making the cradling motion with just one hand). (If I say yes to you, when we have a baby it will not be like this (making cradling motion with both hands) but like this (with one hand).
She was perhaps a couple of inches shorter than my 5′ 1 1/2″. While there was a great chance that it was just an alibi and that even if I was a six footer she would not still have wanted me, I told myself then that what she said made sense. That’s because during my childhood, schoolmates at the Tabuk Central School used to taunt me due to my stunted growth. I guess I was 4′ 6″ in Grade VI. And I used to blame my parents for marrying each other. My father was slightly over 5′ just like myself and my mother could be 4′ 9”.
CONVERSATION AT THE OFFICE
When City Information Officer Remedios Singson arrived at the office this morning:
CIO: Apay saan a half day tatta? (Isn’t it half day today?) (This is in reference to the near usual practice of declaring half the day before the Holy Week or the Christmas break non-working.)
Me: Awan met nanggegko. Ngem no half day ania ngata ti parte nga awan trabaho – ti bigat ngata wenno ti malem? (Heard nothing about that. But if it’s going to be half day, which part will be non-working – the morning or the afternoon?)
CIO: Heh.**