By Penelope A. Domogo, MD
Last Sunday was our first discussion on how emotional toxins can make you sick. This Sunday, we continue the discussion. As we stated last week, 85% of diseases are rooted in negative emotions. By golly, 85%! Meaning if 85 out of 100 sick people worked on their emotions, they would not need to spend their hard-earned money on expensive medicines and procedures which might even give them undesirable side effects. We need to invest more time and effort on emotions.
What is emotional intelligence (EI)? EI is also known as EQ (emotional quotient). This is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions constructively, and to handle interpersonal relationships well. Quite a mouthful. In short, it is emotional maturity. Take note, dear readers, EI is the key to both personal and professional success. For example, when you apply for a job, your prospective employer may ask about your transcript of records but what they will consider more is how you deal with others, how high is your emotional intelligence. And as we stated earlier, low emotional intelligence will have adverse effects on your health. The good news is that EI or EQ can be learned and increased, unlike your IQ (intelligence quotient).
There are tests in the internet where you can test your emotional maturity. Some questions, though, may not be applicable to our Cordillera or Filipino setting but the whole test can give you a clue of who you are. Here are also some signs of high emotional intelligence:
1. You think about feelings.
This calls for a reflective disposition where you take time and know who you are. Emotional intelligence begins with self-awareness – what are emotional strengths, what are your emotional weaknesses, how do these impact in my decision-making and the decision-making of others. For example, you know that your emotional weakness is you smoke when you are stressed. So you remove all ashtrays and cigarettes in your sight and instead have water nearby so when you feel like smoking, you drink water instead.
2. You pause
You stop and think before you speak or act. Meaning, you don’t do anything impulsively which you might regret later or cause you embarrassment later. Pausing is important because it prevents you from making a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. Remember, emotions are energies in motion and thus very temporary. Here today, gone tomorrow or even in the wink of an eye.
3. You strive to control your thoughts.
You may not be able to control your emotion at the moment but you can control your reaction to that emotion – by focusing on your thoughts. Example, you can feel very angry but you can control your fist from hitting anything and instead decide to scrub the floor with all your strength.
4. You benefit from criticism.
Nobody enjoys negative feedback. But criticism is a chance to learn and do better, no matter how bad it was delivered. How can you do better when all you get is praises? When you know that the criticism is not true, at least you have an idea how that person thinks.
5. You demonstrate empathy.
Empathy means putting yourself in the other’s shoes so you can understand how they feel and why they are acting that way. It does not necessarily mean agreeing with another person’s point of view but it is striving to understand. You don’t judge or label, you try to see things through their eyes.
6. You praise others.
In indigenous Igorot society, praise is not a regular thing. But studies show that all humans crave acknowledgement and appreciation. So focus on the good in others and tell them specifically what you appreciate and thus inspire them to be the best version of themselves.
7. You give helpful feedback.
As much as you give praises, you also give feedback, reframed constructively so that it will not hurt feelings of the receiver. Such is more effective in changing behavior.
8. You apologize.
Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong. It means that you value your relationship more than your ego.
9. You forgive and forget.
Anger has an expiry date. If you keep it inside you for a time, it will become poison, like expired medicine. It becomes an emotional toxin. It’s like leaving a knife inside a wound thus there’s no chance to heal and will keep you hostage. Forgive, let go and move forward.
10. You keep your commitments.
You will easily observe in young kids the importance of keeping promises. If you promised to bring your child or apo something, be sure to keep your promise because he will not trust you anymore if you break them. Trustworthiness is reliability is crucial to life.
11. You help others.
Helping others especially when they cannot help you back has a great impact, not only in the receiver but on the giver. This is the stuff that make people win elections.
12. You protect yourself from emotional sabotage.
Some individuals can attempt to manipulate other’s emotions for their own ulterior motives so be wary “para hindi kayo madala”.
There, how is your EI? Emotions are part of life and they make life interesting, but we need to manage them, get rid of the negative ones so the positive ones will fill our being. Easier said than done but better to try than not at all. Cheers! ***
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“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22
