By Atty. Antonio P. Pekas
Long ago, when we had to move to a city to study, we were just sent through a bus. Often, with the company of a friend of a friend or a distant relative. He or she would be only too happy to leave us somewhere and get rid of the responsibility. No guidance of any sort. Now, a ton of considerations get weighed before sending a kid away to study.
The easy answer to the title of this piece is for him to learn in the actual world how to become independent. But that is a lot easier said than done. First question to answer: “Is it worth the financial costs?” Factoring everything – board and lodging (dorm and food expenses), school supplies and other school needs, transportation costs to go and attend classes and coming home every break (Christmas and other long holidays, sem breaks, and they now have mental health breaks in the middle of the sem), these would conservatively cost P15k a month.
For the proper appreciation of these, we sent our only kid to UP Los Banos. The cost of getting the kind of facilities there in nice private universities and the quality of education given by that internationally recognized institution would cost double that amount, or P30kper month, more or less. Then add the semestral tuition fee which would be a little bit more than P100K
Being in a state university, our kid do not have to pay any tuition. As a friend said, “para kang nanalo ng Sweepstakes.”
Sending him to a local university in Baguio would be a lot cheaper even if he had to pay tuition and other fees. Because he would not have to pay for board and lodging.
The financial costs are the easiest to compare. How about the things he or us parents are getting?
The most valuable thing for me is the sense of independence he is developing or learning. After his enrolment which entailed our having to back and forth many times to Laguna, classes finally started on September 5.
We accompanied him there on Sept. 3. He had been there twice before but only for a day each time. For who from these mountains would like to endure the hot climate of the lowlands?
He did not have time to acclimatize. We were hoping he could cope. Also with his having to be left behind in a virtually foreign land. Different people, hot climate, different culture and language/s, different food and values, etc. Surely, he was anxious about everything.
After two days of orienting him around the campus (I studied there for my first 4 years in college) and showing the probable buildings his classrooms might be found, it was time to go home and leave him there. He’d never been away from home. How I wish we could have just said, “Well, it is either you swim or you drown.”
When his mom closed the door of his room as we were leaving, his head was bowed. Then he closed the door. Am sure a tear or two dropped from his eyes.
We were already on the yard of the dorm when I decided to go back. I knocked on his door. He opened it just about three inches. He just peeped. Seeing me, he asked, “why?”
With a heavy heart I said, “You are still a boy as we leave you now. When you come home, you should already be a man.”
Then he silently and gently closed the door.
What ameliorated the days after were the internet, free messaging on Messenger, and the video calls. At least we could frequently check if he was OK. Things went well. Apparently, he was adjusting well.
About a month after, we went to see him if indeed things were OK.
Coming back after two days, I sent him this message. “I am happy you are adjusting well. Now, you can go anywhere else in the world and all you have to do is hark back to your first few days in UPLB. Your decision to enroll there instead of UP Tacloban that graciously sent you an admission notice via email after just a day when you applied must have been the right decision. You might understand now why I was hellbent on sending you away.”
When we asked him of the right time to visit him again, he said, “What for?”
That was worth a million dollars. **
