Updated January 26, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team
If you’re trying to build your social network as an adult, it can be challenging to find a social event without alcohol. This substance is widely used to celebrate, socialize, and unwind; but when consumed in excess, it can negatively affect your physical and mental health – as well as your relationships.
In everyday conversations, you might use the term “alcoholism” to describe any unhealthy use of alcohol. In the medical community, many providers use the term alcohol use disorder (AUD), which recognizes unhealthy alcohol use as a medical condition.
AUD is a widespread condition: according to the 2019 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, an estimated 14.5 million people in the U.S. ages 12 and older (5.3% of this age group) had AUD.
People with AUD have family, friends, and partners: and if you’re reading this, you might be one of them. If you’re in a relationship with someone who may have AUD, we’ll discuss common signs of this condition, followed by strategies to support your partner while taking care of your own mental health.
What is alcohol use disorder (AUD)?
AUD is an alternative term used by medical providers to describe alcoholism. But what is the exact definition, and what does a diagnosis of AUD mean for the people who have it?
Perhaps most importantly, AUD is defined as a chronic brain disorder. The latest edition of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) recognizes AUD as a disorder with mild, moderate, and severe forms. The primary symptoms of AUD include:
· Alcohol craving
· Recurrent use of alcohol that interferes with daily functioning
· Alcohol-seeking behavior
· Inability to control alcohol consumption
· Drinking while driving
· Alcohol tolerance, meaning that people with AUD need more alcohol to achieve the desired effect or “buzz”
· Withdrawal in response to reduced alcohol consumption (e.g. hand tremors, nausea, agitation, hallucinations)
Promisingly, recovery is possible for people with AUD regardless of the severity of their symptoms. Common treatment options include hospital-based inpatient programs, rehabilitation facilities (which can be inpatient or outpatient), support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, mental health centers, and doctors’ offices, which may provide or refer patients to licensed therapy services.
Signs that your partner may have AUD
When you’re in a trusting relationship with a romantic or platonic partner, you’re likely familiar with their daily routine: their habits, quirks, and everything in between. But if you suspect that your partner is living with AUD, they may try to hide some of their behaviors and isolate themselves from you and other loved ones.
Health care professionals rely on the following 11 signs that may indicate the presence of AUD. But regardless of your partner’s behaviors, remember that this is a complicated disorder. They may not show all of these signs, and depending on the severity of their symptoms, it might be difficult to intervene without causing conflict.*
*If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, available 24/7, at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. Live chat is also available on the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.
1. They make excuses to drink
In many cultures, regular alcohol consumption is normalized and even encouraged. People with AUD may use the pervasiveness of alcohol as an excuse to drink more frequently and in greater quantities – even at the cost of their health and relationships.
When given the choice between drinking and engaging an important event, your partner might choose to drink on more than one occasion. If you notice that they’re cutting back on their hobbies or other important, interesting activities while increasing their alcohol consumption, it might be time to check in about their behaviors and priorities.
2. Despite relationship problems, they continue to drink
One of the hallmark signs of AUD is feeling unable to stop drinking, even if a pattern of alcohol use begins to cause trouble with family or friends. In addition to problems in your relationship, you might also notice that your partner is more distant from family, friends, and other loved ones. They may spend more time alone, at home, or simply unaccounted for in public places.
You might also notice that your partner is spending time with a different group of people, who may encourage or minimize their drinking habits. New friends are not necessarily a sign of AUD, but you might notice that your partner drinks more in the company of any new acquaintances, especially if they also drink heavily.
3. They Consistently Drink More Than Intended
Your partner might intend to drink only a certain amount of alcohol, or to stop drinking at a specific hour. But if they’re experiencing AUD, it can be incredibly difficult to end the night at a set number of drinks.
4. They’re developing alcohol tolerance
People with AUD may begin drinking more to achieve the effects they once felt from smaller amounts of alcohol. As an observer, it can be hard to gauge if your partner is developing tolerance, as this is a change they’ll largely observe in their body.
That said, if your partner is developing a tolerance, you might notice that they’re drinking more drinks than they did earlier in your relationship. They might also express that it’s taking longer to feel “buzzed” or drunk.
5. They spend a lot of time drinking
It might seem obvious, but excessive drinking is a nearly universal sign of AUD. Whether it’s binge drinking on the weekend or randam bursts of drinking throughout the week, there is no quantity or frequency of alcohol use included in the definition of AUD. As an onlooker, this can make it difficult to assess how much is too much.
Ultimately, if your partner’s drinking is becoming a problem in their life, this could be grounds for an AUD diagnosis, which should always be made by a licensed healthcare professional.
6. They crave alcohol
Most of us have experienced a craving for a favorite food, beverage, or even a comfort movie. But people with AUD crave alcohol, and the drive to drink can overpower their responsibilities and relationships. Your partner might describe this feeling as a strong urge or even a need.
7. Drinking interferes with their daily responsibilities
If your partner repeatedly gets sick or fatigued from drinking, they might struggle to assist with daily tasks around the home. If you have a family or pets together, they might also have difficulty taking care of your children or following through with chores and other responsibilities.
8. They put themselves in unsafe situations
Alcohol lowers inhibitions and can lead people to make poor decisions about their health and safety. When you’re drinking, basic activities like swimming, driving, operating machinery, having sex, or even a walk around the block can become hazardous.
9. They’re experiencing other mental health concerns
Excessive alcohol consumption can worsen preexisting mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression. Your partner might express that they’re feeling more depressed or less energetic than usual, and they might also report memory loss and even memory “blackouts” after drinking.
10. They’ve had withdrawal symptoms
Your partner might have tried to cut back on their drinking or simply lacked resource to alcohol for a short period of time. During these periods, they may have experienced some of the following withdrawal symptoms:
· Trouble sleeping
· Shakiness and sweating
· Irritability
· Anxiety
· Depression
· Restlessness
· Nausea
· Hallucinations
In severe cases of AUD, these symptoms can be extremely uncomfortable and are often treated in a rehabilitation program.
11. They’ve tried To cut back on drinking without success
Many people with AUD will make several attempts at recovery. One study found that among a group of U.S. adults with substance use disorders (including alcohol and other drugs), participants made an average of 5.35 attempts to quit substances before making a sustained, long-term recovery.
Online therapy can help
If your partner is using alcohol and/or substances, it will likely take time, patience, and possibly multiple attempts for them to recover. As a partner of someone with AUD, there are ways to support their recovery while focusing on your own mental health and healing.
Today, many people invest in their mental health through online therapy. Digital platforms like BetterHelp empower patients to prioritize their well-being without the stress of commuting to in-person counseling. If you or your partner is experiencing challenges around alcohol, a professional therapist can guide you through the process and offer tools to improve your relationship with alcohol and your partner.
A growing number of studies indicate that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy. In a review of 14 studies of internet-based therapy, researchers found that face-to-face and internet interventions promoted similar improvements in patients’ mental health. A more recent study assessed the value of an internet-based self-help program for people with AUD, and found that incorporating digital interventions in AUD recovery made it easier for patients to comply with the treatment program.
Many BetterHelp counselors specialize in helping people with AUD as well as their loved ones, some of whom express their experiences below:
“Rebecca is a phenomenal counselor, her background and experience in a few areas like the judicial system and drug and alcohol treatment offers great insight for those who may have loved ones working through those issues. They are highly available, always willing to open up additional appointments if you can’t find a time that works for you, respond quickly through chat. I would highly recommend anyone who is interested in working with cognitive behavioral therapy to reach out and see if they are available for a chat.”
Takeaway
If you’re the partner of someone with AUD and reading this article, you’re already investing the time and energy to learn more about this condition and encourage your partner to seek help.
Throughout this process, remember that many doctors and therapists are trained to provide professional, personalized support for people with AUD and their loved ones. Recovery is possible: it just takes time, dedication, and proactive treatment.
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