By Rev. Canon David B. Tabo-oy
v2Some Pharisees came to him and tried to trap him. “Tell us,” they asked, “does our Law allow a man to divorce his wife?”v3Jesus answered with a question, “What law did Moses give you?”
v4Their answer was, “Moses gave permission for a man to write a divorce notice and send his wife away.”v5Jesus said to them, “Moses wrote this law for you because you are so hard to teach. v6But in the beginning, at the time of creation, ‘God made them male and female,’ as the scripture says. v7’And for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife,a v8and the two will become one.’ So they are no longer two, but one. v9No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together.”v10When they went back into the house, the disciples asked Jesus about this matter. v11He said to them, “A man who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against his wife. v12In the same way, a woman who divorces her husband and marries another man commits adultery.” – Mark 10:2-12
When our son Jandae and Myriam told us parents of their plan of getting married this year, we were overjoyed. He will be the first to get married among our four children. However, the level of my joy and excitement somehow abated when they told us that they want it to be simple with three pairs of sponsors and limited guests in a civil marriage rite. I have no problem with the ‘simple with three pairs of sponsors and limited guests’ but being an ordained minister who has officiated so many weddings, I expected it to be done in the church in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Thankfully, at the end they acceded that the wedding be officiated by a priest although in the place where the reception will be held. I am assuaged with their acceptance of my request even if it will not be done in the church. The faithful gathered to witness and bless their union in Holy Matrimony is the church just the same.
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There was a time during my tenure at the Cathedral of the Resurrection as Rector and Dean when I officiated the wedding between a Korean lad and an Igorot lass. Due to some miscommunication, they were married by a city judge when it was the intention to have their marriage solemnized in the church. Complicating the situation, nobody appeared for rehearsals and the scheduled counseling. They came then and there for the blessing of their civil marriage. It was also then and there that I discovered that the groom has a very limited command of the English language – much less read the printed words!
The Sacrament of the Holy Matrimony is a serious transaction between a man and a woman whether it be a regular service or seen as blessing of a civil marriage. It is important that both parties understand the vows being made and the whole service of the sacrament. Trusting that God works in mysterious ways and the Spirit to move as it wills, I conducted the service with such faith.
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My above thoughts on marriage connect with the gospel lesson appointed this Sunday.
Before the end of Moses, when a man wanted to divorce his wife, all he had to do was to point the door and, “Get out!” Within a few heartbeats, a woman could find herself husbandless, homeless, and without money. In order to grant some measure of protection to wives, Moses gave Israel the divorce law described in Deuteronomy 24.According to the law, a man must write his wife a certificate of divorce. That clarified the woman’s status and made it easier for her to remarry. It is also forced the man to consider his actions and to publicly state the reasons for the divorce. Clearly that law was not God’s stamp of approval on divorce, but an effort to keep the bad situation from getting worse.
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In the days of Jesus, the Mosaic Law of divorce was hotly contested and debated among interpreters of the law. Technically, a man could divorce his wife only if he found an “indecency” in her. The conservative school of rabbis taught that an indecency was some form of sexual sin. On the other hand, the liberal school believed that an indecency was anything that displeased the husband: gaining weight, having no male children, even poor cooking.This controversy is lurking in the background when the Pharisees ask Jesus his opinion on divorce. In substance, Jesus says to the Pharisees, “God handed down the divorce law as a concession to your hard heartedness. If you want to know God’s true will regarding marriage, then look in Genesis where it says that a husband and wife become one flesh. What God puts together, no one should separate.”Jesus clearly believed that marriage should be lifelong covenant. Jesus would have no patience today for those who divorce because each partner can’t have his or her own way, or they have “fallen out of love,” or greener pastures beckon. Divorce is one more symptom of the depths of human sinfulness
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Life could be described as a journey, and marriage is two people making that journey together in partnership. The wedding day is but the starting point when the church blesses the couple, and family and friends gather to celebrate their departure and to wish them good luck for the road ahead. The sight of the couple pledging themselves to each other stirs something deep within us. It’s an acknowledgement to the community that their lives have taken a new direction through the power of love, which demands mutual respect and trust of each other. Together they go forward to meet the rough and smooth of life and to weather the storms that even true love cannot escape.
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Despite our strongest hopes, our best intentions, we humans have hard hearts. We fall short of God’s dreams for us, for our lives together. People change. We grow, sometimes in different directions. Sometimes we become cruel to each other; we forget that we are indeed “one bone and one flesh” and we begin to destroy one another, oblivious to the fact that we’re destroying ourselves in the process. Sometimes marriages have to end to keep this self-destruction from totally eradicating all possibility of a future life for one or both partners. Estrangement happens. We’re human.
However, marriages don’t exist in a vacuum. Christian marriages include the entire community. They’re not just about vows made between two individuals. We who witness these vows make our own promises: that we will do all in our power to uphold these two persons in their marriage. “We will!” we answer with enthusiasm. Hence, we are called to active participation to protect the sanctity of marriage when such is in danger and to minister to the couple when their relationship as husband and wife is in distress.
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I do believe that divorce is never God’s perfect will for us, but in extreme situation divorce maybe God’s circumstantial will for us –the lesser of two evils. We must not succumb to loveless legalism. Somehow, we must hang onto Jesus’ high standards for marriage, and still offer forgiveness and acceptance for those who do not live up to those standards. We should not condemn those who are divorced – but we must also be party of protecting any marriage and to help out when any marriage is threatened by divorce.We are called to be faithful to one another as God in Christ has been faithful to us. To be faithful – as we all know yet sometimes fail to do is to LOVE. Love is not something we FEEL; love is something we DO. Love is always a choice, though not necessarily an easy one. The choice of loving actions is far more important than the warmth of loving feelings.
To Jandae and Myriam soon to be married and to all married persons, may this be your prayer,
Most loving God, from whom every family in heaven and earth takes its name, we are thankful that you have not created us to live life alone. We thank you for your gift of the sacrament of the Holy Matrimony wherein man and woman are joined together as one – to be partners and helpmate. We thank you for parents, grandparents, and relatives who nurtured us in the days of our youth. We thank you for partners and loving friends who bless our days with the intimacy and understanding. For the wonder and joy of children, we offer our praise. Show us how to love each other as you have loved us, and by your gracious Spirit help us to keep every holy covenant, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Almighty and everlasting God, you are always more ready to
hear than we to pray, and to give more than we either desire or
deserve: Pour upon us the abundance of your mercy, forgiving
us those things of which our conscience is afraid, and giving
us those good things for which we are not worthy to ask,
except through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ our
Savior; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever. Amen.(Proper 22 Collect, BCP)**
