By Jan Vicente B. Pekas
existence.”
What had started 2 years ago, can finally start to end. Graduation ceremonies seem to be occurring left and right. Students with togas can be seen walking on the streets, wearing their bright medals and an even brighter smile. After being cooped in our rooms for the past year, I am glad to see students celebrate their big moments on the big stage. For the past years, online school had forced many eyes to be strained from moving left and right, now, it is only fitting that our legs will do the same. The left leg up a stair step, the right on another one, up the stage, down the stairs with our parents, and into restaurants.
Unfortunately for us, the big moment will have to wait. Anticipation and imagination will have to do for now. Though, these imaginations can quickly spiral out of control and frustration will take its place. Luckily for some of us, we had completed our tasks and modules can no longer block the sight of that big stage. Although, a failing grade can yet again be an imposing wall sitting between us and the bright lights. But, as the youths that we are, vacation had already started, unofficial it may be.
Now, I spend my days with no activities sitting in my head already set free. Instead, I try to be productive, but, I guess the fatigue must be greater than I thought. For there have only been a few days where I have been that, productive.
I had imagined I would spend the days of this “unofficial” vacation with much excitement. Instead, I seemed to have been just more excited about this vacation before it happened than actually experiencing it. It was as if the questions, quizzes, and tasks left a hole, yet to be filled by something to distract me in my everyday life. A blank face was far from the smug smile I intended to put on while I enjoy the break. I started to spend the days with my usual routine, unchanged for days, it had sucked out all the enjoyment a day can bring. The expectations of tomorrow started to dissipate, as if I moved only due to the strings attached to my limbs. The same motions from yesterday would again happen tomorrow.
Though, as I force myself to move, walk, run, exercise, the hole left behind started to disappear. When I spend my day with a purpose, the days started to feel less empty. The sun before was not as alluring as it is when basking in its heat outside. I preferred to stay inside when the rain poured, but the blanket was warmest when I had been drenched. And the nights were longer when my tired body laid on the bed.
We truly were not made to be lifeless dolls living in such blank states. When our days are filled with purpose then we can feel the meaning of our lives. And when we start to live for others can we feel value in our existence.
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