By Penelope A. Domogo, MD
In indigenous communities like the Cordillera, the child is the center of our universe and the reason to be. If there was no biological child, there were other children of relatives to take care of. I presume this is because children ensure the survival of the tribe and the continuity of family name and properties. So traditional Igorots didn’t exist just for themselves – NOT ME NOW. They existed for others. Parents or elders would plant trees so that there will be trees for children to climb or food to eat in the future. “Ta waday sa kak-aben di unga as kasin.” “Ta waday sa kak-a-en di unga as kasin.”
Yes, children are the center of the universe and somehow they are the main factor for decisions. We, Igorots, developed practices and values and systems, with the children in mind. For their future. Like, “inayan da mang-deldelaw as ib-a tay baka kaisingem as kasin.” (“Don’t scoff at others because that person might be your in-law in the future.”). When we were building our house, we had the safety of children in mind, especially in designing the steps. When my first grandchild was born, we had to behave with him in mind, like when he was sleeping, we had to minimize noise. I am sure, first-time parents have their world overturned when a child is born. In traditional Igorot society, though, even before the children are born, we already make decisions with them in mind.
So, yes, children are, in essence, decision makers but not directly. Traditional Igorot parents don’t ask the child “Would you like me to plant a tree so that you will have guavas to eat after 5 years?”. We don’t ask the child “Would you like to eat camote?”. We don’t ask the child “Do you like to eat chocolate?”
No, Sir, we don’t ask the children what they want. We just do what we know is best for them. Because we know that they are still children and what does a child know of the future? What does the child know about consequences of his decisions until he or she experiences them or is taught to him or her? The website www.kidsmatter says “Children’s decision-making is strongly-influenced by expectations and values they learn from those around them…. by observing others, hearing about and discussing values, and having the opportunity to make decisions and experience the consequences.” Come to think of it, this applies to adult decision-making also.
Children are very observant and have good memory and fast recall. And they mimic what they see and hear. Think of them as a new computer with almost limitless memory and everything they see and hear is recorded in that memory. So even bad words that they hear, they will say it even if they don’t know the meaning. That’s why I am against TV because there’s no child-friendly show there. So it is very important that we, adults, behave wherever we are. There are children all around.
Now we come to food. Please don’t ask a four-year old what food he or she likes. What does a four or six year old kid know about healthy food. There were many times already when, in the store, in front of all those brightly-colored junk food, I heard a parent ask a young child what s/he wanted. If only I knew that parent I could have given a lecture then and there. Does a child know the difference between piatos or potato rings? Of course, they are the same bad high fat, high sugar, high salt nothing but the point here is children are not yet equipped with enough knowledge and skills to discern the difference between good and bad food. Sure snough, I saw the child just point to any of the junk food within her reach.
My almost four-year old apo does not know junk food much or ice cream so when we pass by these, he won’t pester me. But he had been given jelly ace, candy, chocolate and bubble gum and cookies. So he knows how these look and would point to them when we go to a store. One time, I was surprised that he was eager to come with me to a nearby barangay. Only to find out that there’s a store there where they bought him lollilop. So when we were there, I just bought one lollipop, although he was asking for three. And told him that lollipop is sugar and so he needs to drink a lot of water after. So caution, parents and carers, minimize bringing small kids to the store. Babies, puede pa but not those who are already old enough to reach out to those items which are strategically displayed so kids will see them.
What does a child know of the consequences of eating junk food or sugary things or hotdogs or marshmallows or too much meat? The problem now is do parents and carers know the consequences?
Even clothes and shoes and slippers, don’t ask your kids what they want to wear or the color. They would just pick out anything anyway, and it may not be appropriate. However, as the parent or caregiver, you should know what is appropriate clothing or footwear for that time. Children, though, have fast metabolism compared to the elderly so they are warm, even when seniors feel cold.
It is also healthy that we feel the earth so if on soil, we encourage that our feet are bare. Meaning we have to keep the grass and soil in our yards and free from sharp objects that may hurt the feet. We are challenged here at home because we have free-range chickens which just poo anywhere and with our lack of water in Sagada, it’s wise to keep the feet shod so we won’t have to wash feet everytime we go inside the house.
One wise child expert said “Children have a voice, not a choice.” They are the boss, but we, parents and carers, are the experts which the boss follows. We, parent and carers, should not delegate a major parental decision to a child. Kawawa naman siya. Anong alam niya? Parents and carers have to make the right decisions on how to live life, meaning, we, adults, should decide to be good models – for the sake of the children, for the sake of the future.***
“Train the child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
